My Sister

Do you ever get the feeling that the only way to communicate with your family is through confrontation? I had such a conversation with my sister last night and realized that the best conversing we do is at the beach under the slight influence of some type of Anheuser Busch product. She and I are at the best of times the best of friends and at the worst of times our own worst enemies. I have looked up to my sister since the day I was born and it has taken me 39 years to realize that she is human just like me. We had a conversation last night that can only be described as cathartic. She is the Cancer survivor, larger than life, can do no wrong older sister. I have always lived in her shadow, wanting to be more like her, and struggling with my identity in our family. Last night, we solved all of that. She showed me that she is as vulnerable as I am and that she needs my support as much as I desired hers. We realized that as sisters we are in this together. We are lucky to have each other to navigate this life together. We can talk about our parents and how they drive us crazy and we are the only ones who understand what we are talking about. We realized that the sisterly bond is what makes us stronger. Our Husbands try to understand and support us but don't get the reason why we give each other so much slack. She is, at the same time, my hero, my inspiration, my straw that breaks my back, and my favorite soul. I am so glad to have her. I am sad that Boyboy will not have a sibling to commiserate with. She, whether she knows it or not, has shown me how to be strong, independent, and compassionate in the most dire of circumstances. I love my sister...she is the bomb.

Foto Friday

Auf Weidersehn, Deutschland!

On the Move

Tomorrow, we leave Germany for the last time. I have mixed feelings about it and definitely know that I will miss this country that I have come to love.

We have had a rocky relationship, Germany and me. The first time we were here, I did not adapt well. Cold rainy summers, even colder grayer winters, very long summer days (which were ok until you tried to put a toddler to bed at 7pm and the sun was in his eyes), and very short winter days all put me on the fast track for pharmaceutical intervention. What also didn't help was the lack of family contact. I love my family and was used to being able to pick up the phone and call when ever I felt like it and I couldn't do that without figuring out the time difference first which usually turned out that they were asleep or at work. My sister was diagnosed with Hodgkins Lymphoma while we were here the first time. I felt so helpless when I talked to my mom and heard about her treatments and what they were doing to the larger-than-life sister that I had always thought was invincible. Fortunately, she beat the cancer because she fights harder and makes it look easier than anyone I will ever know. Oh, and let's not forget September 11th and the beginning of the War on Terror...so, needless to say, I was very ready to leave Germany the first time.

Fast-forward two years and we're told that Bubba will take command in ... say it with me ... Germany! While I was proud of Bubba and excited for him to take this responsibility, I did not want to go back to Germany. However, from the first day we were here, it has been different. The weather is still gloomy and the distance is still there but I think I am a better person for the trials that happened the first time. Everything fell into place this time - from friends for Boyboy, to friends for us, fulfilling volunteer opportunities for me, an opportunity to go back to school and further a hobby into what I hope will be a career, things have been better. And, I admit, there are things about Germany that are sooooo much better than the USA that I didn't appreciate until we left the first time. The things we will miss most we took for granted the first time and now we know to savor them . We will miss sitting in an outdoor cafe drinking great German beer, enjoying the weather (on those odd days that it is not raining), eating hearty food and relaxing with friends. We will miss traveling and the ease of European trains and highways. Need French wine for your dinner with friends? Head over to France and pick it up...it is only 45 minutes away. Want to ski this weekend? Grab your gear and go to Switzerland....only 4 hours away. Can't do that in the USA. But most of all, we will miss our friends. We have made some of the best friends in our Army career and hopefully, if the stars are aligned, we will be together in the same place again.

So, this time is bittersweet. I am ready to leave but sad to go. C'est la vie militaire!

Redonkulous Cuteness!

Check this site out but make sure you have an insulin shot handy because it is the sweetest thing I think I have ever seen...

http://www.dailypuppy.com/

If you love puppies as much as I do, you must go to this site immediately!

Foto Friday

I hate moving...

People touching my stuff...

All our worldly possessions in boxes...

Feeling disorganized and discombobulated....

Sweaty people touching my stuff....

Worrying about what will get broken this time...

Feeling like a man without a country...

Strange, sweaty people touching my stuff...

Living out of a suitcase for months...

Wondering where my _____ is and realizing that it got packed....

Not having my stuff....

I hate moving...

Foto Friday

I hate leaving...

There, I said it...I . Hate . Leaving .

We have started the long process of making sure we see everyone to say goodbye before we leave. I have gotten into the habit of not saying 'Goodbye' but 'See you later!' With the military community being as small as it is, I have come to know that I will indeed see them later. Case in point, we are having a reunion this fall of folks that we knew back before Bubba and I got married. We will get together and it will be like no time has passed. That is one of the things I love about our life. Even though we might not stay in touch like we would like to, we can always pick up our friendship as though we just saw each other yesterday. But, I digress.

Leaving. We should be used to it by now. And I should be looking forward to leaving this time since we are going where we want to go and retirement is around a not-so-distant corner. But, I am not. I hate the saying goodbye, the pulling up shallow roots, the vacating of a home, the leap into unfamiliarity. I hate knowing that some of the friends I have made will always be Germany Friends, not lifelong friends. Not because they aren't special to me because I truly treasure every friendship I have been blessed with, but because they are just the type of friendships that pass through our lives. They are friends with an 'use by' date. We will eventually lose touch and that makes me a bit sad. I also hate closing the door on our home for the last time, knowing all the memories that are shut up inside that house. It was our home for a time...that is what we make of it. I lived in only two houses before I met Bubba and my parents still live in one of them. Those two houses are my childhood homes. The homes I have made with Bubba and Boyboy are in our hearts...we will always have our memories of those houses and may even visit them at times but the memories we made inside those houses are the true homes. And, finally I hate the uncertainty and unfamiliarity of what lies ahead. New experiences, new neighbors, new schools, churches, grocery stores are all adjustments. I am not good at change...I adapt slowly.

So, in short...I hate leaving.

Just for Fun

Found this over at When Life Gives you Lemons (http://jessicaboots-whenlifegivesyoulemons.blogspot.com/)

I just had to do it.
Put your iPod (or iRiver) on shuffle (unless it is an early version iPod, one that doesn’t have shuffle) and press next for each question. Write down the song that’s playing as an answer.
1) How would you describe yourself? I'm On Fire - Bruce Springsteen (Ok, we're off to a good start)
2) What do you like in a guy/girl? The First Cut is the Deepest - Rod Stewart (Hmmmm)
3) What is your motto? The Thunder Rolls - Garth Brooks (In like a lion?)
4) What do your friends think of you? Anyway you want it - Journey
5) What do you think about often? Best of My Love - Emotions (Maybe)
6) What do your parents think of you? Superstar - Jamulia (Right on!)
7) What do you think of your best friend? Around the Way Girl - DJ Jazzy Jeff and The Fresh Prince (Yikes - which best friend does this describe?)
8) What do you think of the person you like? Burning Dog - Sugar Ray (Hmmmm)
9) What do you want to be when you grow up? Back at Your Door - Maroon 5 (Creepy, since we are moving back home just in time for Bubba to retire)
10) What do you think when you see the person you like? She's Got a Way - Billy Joel (Hmmm, he's got a way...)
11) What song will they play at your wedding? She's Always a Woman - Billy Joel (Two Billy Joels in a row - I thought this was "shuffle")
12) What will they play at your funeral? If You Love Somebody, Set Them Free - Sting (WOW!)
13) What is your hobby/interest? I Hope - Dixie Chicks (I hope I have a hobby)
14) What is your biggest fear? Some Days You Gotta Dance - Dixie Chicks (Hopefully not in public - and again with the two in a row!)
15) What is your biggest secret? That Was a River - Collin Raye ????
16) What do you think of your friends? Let It Be - Brooke White (Sometimes...)
17) What is your theme song? Fins - Jimmy Buffet (Am I the only bait in town?)
18) What do you think of your family? She's Everything - Garth Brooks (Well, they are everything to me)
19) What is your best friend’s theme song? Sin Wagon - Dixie Chicks (Again, which best friend are we talking about?)
20) What is your mood right now? O My God - Police (Seems to be my mood a lot lately)
21) If your heart could talk what would it say? Let Him Fly - Hootie and the Blowfish (Boyboy?)
22) What do your co-workers think of you? Gimme Some Lovin' - Spencer Davis Group (Gimme, gimme, gimme)
23) What does your future look like? Paris - Faith Hill (I wish...)

This was fun...sometimes laugh out loud funny. See what happens when you do it...

Foto Friday

Bubba Home!

So, Bubba is back from two weeks in the field and besides the insurmountable mountain of laundry in the basement, I am SO glad he is home. Ever since he got back from his deployment in July, when he is not here I miss him more than ever. I guess it brings back to front and center the pain from last year. Last year was hard. Enough said. I don't ever want to go back there again. One of the driving forces behind Bubba deciding that the time is right for retirement is that he doesn't want to deploy again. Twenty-two years in the Army, countless short deployments, multiple long ones have taken their toll on him. Folks who are not in the military seem to live under the idea that for us it gets easier every time....that we get used to them being gone. They couldn't be more wrong. Whether the time away is just over the weekend for training or for longer, it is NEVER easy. With each absence, Bubba is missing time...time with BoyBoy playing Command and Conquer on the computer or Legos in the basement, time with me discussing what we want to be when we grow up or just holding hands on the patio. That is time we will never get back. Don't get me wrong, I love the Army life and I am a little bit terrified of what life will be like in the "real world", but there are times when I wonder what it have been like if Bubba had been a corporate geek and we had stayed put from the beginning. And then, I remember...we have had the chance to see the world, face our fears, have the difficult conversations, and meet a melting pot of friends who know our pain and will live it with us for the rest of our lives. And then, I am thankful. I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to every mother out there. It has been such a blessing for me to experience the joy, frustration, happiness, sorrow, love and fun of being a mom. Boyboy is not always the easiest child but I know that I am so fortunate to have a healthy, bright, funny child who worships the ground that Bubba walks on and loves me, warts and all. From the day Bubba and I found out we were going to have him, I have thanked God for the miracle that is Boyboy. He continues to amaze me every day with his wit, charm, and brains. I am trying hard to keep up with him and I hope that he still lets me hold his hand for many more years to come. Thanks, Boyboy for making me a mom. I love you.

Things I am not looking forward to back in the States

• Thunderstorms - this is a double edged sword since I love listening to thunderstorms but, my poor Melly is sooooo terrified of them that she becomes almost inconsolable. We have had maybe 5 thunderstorms in the last 3 years and I think there have been that many this past week in Virginia.
• American drivers - sorry, Germans are very predictable in their driving...passing on the left, signaling when changing lanes, never running a red light. Americans, not so much.
• The cost of living...cell phone, cable, mortgage, etc. - all things we have been lucky to keep low over here, I know will put a larger dent in our budget.
• The faster pace of life...there is something to be said for stores being closed on Sunday and long, lingering dinners.

For the most part, I am thrilled to be going back to the states. I will miss all of the wonderful friends I have made this tour and the amazing country of Germany. I will also miss being able to go to France for lunch!

Things I am looking forward to back in the States

• Target...enough said.
• Being closer to family
• Finally being able to put down roots.
• Malls
• Not having to translate everything, from street signs to restaurant menues to my cable bill

I know there are more...there is just so much to love about America. Only 30 more days...

It's about time!

AHHHHHHH, Spring has finally arrived in Germany!

Just askin'

Is there an unwritten rule for businesses that when they schedule an appointment to be at your house between 9am and 5pm that they are required to show up at 4:45pm?

Wondering...

What is it about people that makes them think it is okay to attack someone in an email? I have had a rough week on email and I am wounded to my soul. Details are not important, just that there was an event where people were recognized for things that they do and some folks were offended that they didn't get recognized. They took this opportunity to attack me personally and proceed to tell me how wrong I was, how rude I am, how worthless I am, and what a failure I am. They also proceeded to tell me that the organization that I am a part of was also wrong, rude, worthless, and a failure. Bubba wanted to author the response himself and tell this person exactly where to take her attack. He is always my biggest fan and supporter and he did not like this attack on my character one bit. He wanted to know where this person's spouse worked, and for whom. I told him that I have never worn or used his rank, ever and I wasn't going to start now. He proved that he was the right man for me when he said, "You've got to start sometime!" Yes, 12 months before retirement might be as good a time as any to start wearing his rank, but....

I don't know how to respond to this person. I admit that I am hurt by her tirade. I am not the type of person who can let something like this roll off her back. My back is velcro for stuff like this. I will now proceed to carrying it around on my back for, like, the rest of my life. I don't carry a grudge, I carry the pain. I know that these things are supposed to make me stronger but, doggoneit, I believe I am strong enough now, stop the madness!

I will get through this... I always do. But, it has changed me and I hate that. I will not be as naive, not as innocent, not as trusting. And I may never volunteer for a leadership position again. And that is the greatest tragedy of this whole situation.

Where's Wheezer?

Have you ever gone on a vacation where you considered not ever coming back? We just returned from just such a vacation and now Bubba is discussing opening his own dive shop when he retires and I am wondering if there is a market for interior design in the Canary Islands. Sometimes things just fall into place for the perfect vacation to take place: great location, great friends, kids just the right age that they are willing to try new things and independent enough to entertain themselves, work and home stress to the breaking point, and weather that is to die for. Our 8 days in Lanzarote were nothing short of perfect. The worst part of this perfect vacation was coming home to 40 degree rainy weather and the impending move staring us in the face. Yikes! I have to start getting organized!

Just askin'

How do you respond when your 10 year-old remarks "I guess common sense is not so common anymore"?

Things I won't miss about Germany, part 1

• Rain, rain and more rain, and then some cloudy, cold summer days thrown in for good measure – I can honestly say that I will never want to live in Seattle after living here! Sorry , Seattle-ites
• Flieger Strasse which has needed to be repaved since we got here – my Explorer has more rattles than I can count now thanks to that street.
• The EURO rate – all I have to say about that is YIKES!
• Heavy German food that takes a week to digest and makes you feel like one of those rotund members of an OOMPAH band!
• The long flight home…only one more of those to go!