I'm Done

Finished, over, stick a fork in me, done.  Not to mention angry, pissed, disappointed, incredulous.  I will never watch The Bachelor/ette again.  I took 5 pages of notes during the finale, and I am not even going to blog about that part.  The train wreck that was After the Final Rose just killed any love I had for Jason Mesnik.  No, I am not going to give him the benefit of the doubt.  He doesn't deserve it.  What he did last night was unforgivable and if he did it because ABC told him to, it makes him look even worse.  You don't break up with someone on national television and then not ten minutes later, make out on national television with someone else!  Every other Bachelor/ette in history has had the decency to give the relationship their best try and let them run their course out of the public eye.  What Jason did to Melissa was just wrong.  She showed a lot of class and tried to fight for the relationship that she thought they had.  She was blindsided and had every right to punch him in the face.  I wish she had.  And then Molly...the more I watched her, the more I hated what was happening.  I can't believe ABC thought this would make anyone look good.  Maybe they don't care if the contestants look good.  They are getting great press from all this and they are eating it up.  Already, Jason has been on Jimmy Kimmel and Good Morning America.  I won't be watching any of it.  I am done.  There is nothing they can say tonight on After the Final Rose 2 that will change my mind.  Even my beloved Jillian can't salvage this fiasco.  She should know better.  I can't believe she is willing to put herself through this circus.  What will the ABC producers get her to do?  Get pregnant?  Then the After the Final Rose show can be the paternity test.  Which of the bachelors is the daddy?  This show has officially broken my spirit.  Reality Steve, I take back every terrible thing I ever said about you.  You were right.    

The Women Tell Nothing!

Show of hands...who else was disappointed with last night's Bachelor Women Tell All episode?  I have just one word - SNORE!  Can I tell you how much I despise Reality Steve for making me look for any innuendo or underlying tension between Jason and Jillian, Chris and Jason,  or Trista and Jason.  He has tainted me forever.  But, on to the show...

There really isn't that much juicy stuff to talk about.  I think this has to be the dullest WTA episode ever.  Even the beyotches were behaving themselves, somewhat.  Lauren and Natalie showed their true colors and behaved as if they were the ones who were wronged.  Natalie desperately needs a reality pill because she is obviously living on Planet Clueless.  She is far-and-away the most superficial, self-centered, egotistical, whiner in Bachelor history.  When she said, "I have never been on a date where the guy hasn't fallen in love with me"  I shot iced tea out of my nose.  Are you kidding me?  Can you say "full of herself"?  

Jillian and Stephanie (of course) showed the most grace and maturity.  The crowd cheered wildly for Stephanie and gave Jillian a standing ovation.  In my humble opinion, Jillian has to be the classiest and most grounded of any bachorlette in the history of the franchise.  She did not blame Jason for letting her go.  She actually blamed herself.  She said that once she started to have feelings for him she closed herself off and wouldn't give him more than friendship (with benefits, obviously, can you say "hot tub scene"?  Cinemax called - that scene was too steamy for them).  Of course, Chris asked her the obligatory Bachelorette question and, of course, she said that she would be open to it...Coming soon to a television near you!  The Bachelorette - Canuck Edition.

All in all, this episode was anti-climactic after all the hullabaloo from last week.  Chris Harrison does address the rumors on his blog and it does a little to ease my discomfort.  My favorite part of last night happened at the beginning when Chris was interviewing Jason.  Bubba chimed in and said, "If this guy turns out to be a schmuck, I am never watching again!"  

Soul mates, I tell ya.

SPOILER ALERT!!! My Heart is Breaking

OK, I have been blindsided by the Bachelor message boards today and I have to share what I have found. 

A little back story:  I was checking my Google Analytics and noticed that I had a huge number (well, huge for me anyway) of hits yesterday.  Wondering where they all came from, I looked at my traffic sources and saw a site named Addict-O-Matic.  Well, apparently, Wheezer is famous on Addict-O-Matic under the Jason Mesnik page with no less than 4 links to my blog!  However, fame whore that I am, I decided to see who my greatest competition is and apparently it is this guy named Reality Steve.  Reality Steve claims to have the spoiler that will take place in both of the After the Final Rose episodes.  I am not going to give it away here, but click here if you want to see his YouTube videos and read his blog.  What he claims is both shocking and devastating!  Don't click if you don't want to know but, unfortunately for me, once I clicked it was like a train wreck and I couldn't look away.  All I have to say is, if what Reality Steve claims is true, I will NEVER watch The Bachelor again.  My heart is breaking.

OMG, IT'S THE MOST DRAMATIC BLOG POST EVER!!!

Time for Bachelor recap, week 7 - the romantical overnight dates.

I'm jumping right in with no intro - the drama speaks for itself...

First was Jillian's helicopter date with she and Jason wearing matching Paul Bunyan plaid flannel shirts.  Can I just tell you how much I hate the word "connection"?  What does that mean?  According to Random House, the #18 definition for connection is "sexual intercourse" after #12 - "drug dealer," #8 - "the meeting of trains, planes, or ships," and #3 - "a connecting shape."  What other word could we use? 

Anyhoo, they had a pretty romantical dinner and Jillian did most of the talking while Jason stared into her eyes with his best "give it to me" look.  She was pretty bold when she asked him for the fantasy suite invitation and then proceeded to ask Jason (via the camera) "Can you handle a whole night with me?  Can you handle all this fire?"  Up until that point it was pretty apparent that Jason thinks of Jillian as more of a friend than actual Mrs. Mesnik material.  However, he did pounce on the opportunity to have some serious hot, sticky, steamy, groping in the hot tub.  Yowza!  (Fanning myself)  Who else thought that was one of the steamiest scenes in Bachelor history?  Show of hands?

On to Molly's date.  Jason takes her Bungee jumping because nothing says I love you like jumping off a bridge.   However, the joke was on him because he screamed like a girl through the whole thing and she was game to go again!  I thought she scored points with her list of questions...some were superficial but can I just tell you that peanut butter chocolate ice cream is my total favorite, too!  Jason, call me!  We can be best friends!  I was rather disturbed that he would chose to save his old school Air Jordans in a fire over, say, HIS SON, TY!?!?!  Great job, Daddy!  I thought their dinner conversation was a bit strained and he seemed to be trying to drag information out of her and she was not playing.  Then another first, she presented him with an invitation to spend the night!  Translation:  She's a ho...Case in point: when they walked into the fantasy suite, she went straight to the bed and sat down and they immediately started making out.  The bubble bath was an afterthought.   Still not sure whether he is falling for her or just enjoying the action. 

Last date was with Melissa.  I have to say again that every time they see each other it is obvious he is head over heels in love with her.  He swings her around and you can hear it in his voice how genuinely happy he is to see her.  Their date began awkwardly and you could tell that they both were thinking about her parents not meeting Jason.  I still think that ABC has something up it's sleeve (more on this later*).  She is adorable and I love the funny thing she does with her mouth when she is thinking about something bad or worried.  It was obvious to me that he wanted so much to tell her what he is really thinking instead of the canned answers ABC allows him to use.  Sweetest moment of the night:  Melissa was struggling with the words to tell him she loved him and he totally stopped her mid-sentence with a kiss as if to say, "I know exactly what you are saying and with this kiss I am saying it, too."  Swoon!!  She is the only one of the three that came right out and told him she loved him and I think that is cool.  She definitely scored points with me, as if that matters to anyone.  

On to the deliberation...Jason is obviously either a really great actor or really having feelings for all these women (I like to think the latter) because he gets so emotional during his deliberations.  The videos were a nice touch but I think Jillian sealed her fate when she told him if he chooses her he will have a life "full of big families, big hearts, giving back, lots of laughs, and plenty of home cooked meals."  Wha??  That is exactly what I am going to say to someone to show why he should chose me.  Was she high?  Where is the love, passion, and chocolate syrup?  Thanks for playing, now go home.  Molly made Jason wince (or was that roll his eyes) when she said she was "totally" in love with him.  I couldn't tell.  Melissa, again, short, sweet and to the point "I miss you and I love you"  Can you say "Winner"?  

So, in the MOST DRAMATIC ROSE CEREMONY EVER, Jason gives a rose to Melissa and Molly.  Saying goodbye to Jillian was painful, she was totally lobbying to get back on the show...what was all that aboot her dream?!?  He was as nice as he could be but in the end all he saw with her was friendship.  

Bubba wasted no time pointing out that he had chosen Melissa from the moment she first stepped out of the limo and now my choice (Jillian) was gone.  I totally can't wait for the "Women Tell All" episode next week and Chris Harrison totally teased us with the "After the Final Rose" preview.  *Apparently, something happens that is so special and dramatic that they filmed it without a studio audience in a totally private setting.  My vote is that Melissa's parents show up and Jason asks for her hand.  I'm just sayin'.

Have I mentioned that I am obsessed with this show?

Memorable quotes from last night:

Jason (about Jillian):  "She is someone I could be friends with forever."
Jillian (to Jason):  "Can you handle all this fire?"
Molly:  "We've got the goofy, silly, sarcastic stuff down."
Jason (about Molly):  "I still felt like she was distant.)
Jason:  "Falling in love with Melissa has nothing to do with her parents."
Jason:  "I can't get enough of Melissa"
Jason (about Melissa):  "Any doubts I had about her are gone."?

Does anyone else see a pattern?

OK, the dust bunnies have formed a union and I think they are planning a hostile takeover.  'Til next week and "The Women Tell All!"

Crazy, party of eleven?!?

I have said it before and I will say it again...crazy is as crazy does.  Well, it was time for the Bachelor to meet the families and they didn't disappoint.  The families definitely brought the crazy this week.  We're just going to tick off the crazy things that each family does.  

Starting off with Jillian in British Columbia (side note:  I love her accent!  Sounds like she is talking with marshmallows in her mouth, 'eh?) 

Crazy part 1:  The OgoPogo - Loch Ness Monster-esque legend from the lake where Jillian grew up.  She may have touched it with her foot once.  OK...moving on.

Crazy part 2:  Jillian's dad, Glen, wrapping the Canadian flag around Jason and singing "O Canada"  Cute, but...a little crazy

Crazy part 3:  Jillian's granny who states the obvious when she sees Jason for the first time..."Oh my God, He's Beautiful!!!"  She gives the crazy when she tells the camera that she is planning on shipping Jillian up to Northern Alberta to marry a Ukrainian.  She further brings the crazy when she gives Jason a gift of maple leaf boxers which she places on his head!  Go, Granny!!!

Next up is Molly, who I have now dubbed Golf Pro Barbie, in Grand Rapids, Michigan.  

Crazy part 4:  She looks like she just stepped out of a Preppy Golfer catalog and mentions that she has bought Jason an outfit to wear golfing.  Can you say "Ken and Barbie go golfing"?

Crazy part 5:  Molly's mom, Maryanne breaks out the hat box and proceeds to put one on each person's head.  Molly looks mortified, her dad, bored.  Lovin' his beer mug hat!

Crazy part 6:  Maryanne takes Jason downstairs to the mother of all craft rooms and directs him to dray a picture of Molly that she will recognize.  Now unless Molly was the Joker in a former life (see below) she's not going to recognize herself!  

Now, on to the center of the crazy universe, Naomi's home town of Lake Elsinore, California.  Hang on to your hats folks, this might be a bumpy ride!

Crazy part 7:  "Be one with the hula hoop!"  I just don't think Jason's hips roll that way...

Crazy part 8:  The dead dove!?!?  Are you kidding me?!?!?!  If my mother did that to me the first time I brought home Bubba, I would have killed her by running into her with my windshield.  I did like how Joanne claimed plausible deniablity stating that the dove had "killed itself" on her windshield.  Did anyone else see a future serial killer in her nephew as he decapitated the dead bird with a trowel?

Crazy part 9:  Naomi's dad, Hector, preaching the Gospel to ever-so-obviously Jewish Jason.  You know, the only way to have a successful marriage is to be not-Jewish!  Did anyone else notice the casino/living room they were sitting in?

Crazy part 10:  Joanne talking about Indigo children and past lives.  Same soul family??? You mean like James Brown???  Wha??  Run, Jason!  Run far, far away!

Lastly, Melissa's hometown of Dallas, Texas.  By far the sweetest reunion...tears and butterflies when they come together.

Crazy part 11:   I only got one here...Melissa's parents not wanting to meet Jason in such a public way.  Maybe not that crazy, however, this is your daughter and you are mucking up her potential happiness.  Take one for the team.

In the end, Naomi was sent packing (gosh, I wonder why?).  The ladies and Jason are headed to New Zealand for the uber-romantic overnight dates and, finally, the return of DeAnna.  What could she possibly have to say that would make Jason so unhappy?  

I hate having to wait until next Monday!!!

Crackbook...Leave Me ALONE!!!

I didn't mean to sound grumpy up there but what is up with all these Facebook notes going around?!?!?  Notes about me, 25 things to share, one word share, 25 random things about me, the name game, what does your music say about you...you know the ones.  You get tagged by someone and have to answer the questions and then tag 25-1000 people and guilt them into doing it, too.  Listen, I failed peer pressure 101 in high school.  If I answer all of these notes, I will not have time to go to the bathroom!  Add to that the 100 or so blogs that I read every day and I may start looking like this:

Although I am down with the skinniness, I think Bubba might be upset with me. If I answered every tag that I have gotten in the last week alone, I would be typing until NEXT Valentine's day.  If I sent these answered tags to 25-1000 of my closest friends, who may or may not care what my Star Wars name is (by the way it is Clabe as in Jedi Babe), my 25-1000 closest friends might disown me.  I mean, who wants to spend all day answering these things?  Not me! 

OK, gotta go - I am still looking for a word that rhymes with purple...

It's getting good!!!

May I just say how much fun it is to watch The Bachelor with my husband?  He is just as excited and invested in it as I am.  On commercial breaks, while I am folding laundry and he is taking a bathroom break, he yells from the bathroom his synopsis of the last segment.  "Do you believe Melissa cleaned up the toys and leftover pizza in her dress?"  "Did you notice that he didn't kiss Stephanie during their one-on-one time?"  "Do you think Naomi looks like (our friend) Jolie?"  "Is that really his house or the house from Sleepless in Seattle?"  He cracks me up!  

Anyhoo, this week it was time to go to Seattle.  I am always amazed at Jason's sensitivity and how emotional he was to see his son.  Needed a tissue!  The ladies were put up in the Presidential suite of the Fairmont Olympic hotel.  Not bad digs.  Melissa immediately got the one-on-one date with Jason and was told to prepare for a romantic evening.  Of course, Jason was shown getting ready and talking to Ty and basically Ty wasn't havin' it.  He did NOT want his Daddy to leave again!  I loved how Jason called him "Mr. Grumpy Pants" since that has been BoyBoy's nickname on many an occasion.  Well, Daddy of the Year, Jason decides to stay at home and calls Melissa and asks her if she is okay with just coming over and hanging out.  Of course she says yes and then asks if she can change into her stretchy pants.  See, that is why I will never be on The Bachelor (aside from the fact that I am already married).  I live in stretchy pants!  Stretchy pants are the bomb!  If I had to ask permission to change into my stretchy pants, I might go postal on the Bachelor - how's that for a Bachelor first?  So, they hang out and talk and kiss and basically have a better date than if they had done all the over the top romantic stuff that ABC had dreamed up for them.  Score one for Melissa!

The group date was Stepford Stephanie, Walk of Shame Molly, and My Favorite Jillian.  They went on a boat ride - and did anyone else want to scream watching Stephanie steer the boat?  She is a robot!  It became pretty obvious during this segment that there is no chemistry between them and basically he was just keeping her around to try and make it happen.  After the boat ride, they were off to the local radio station for a humorous interview.  First the ladies were secluded in the next room so that they couldn't hear what Jason was saying.  Too funny moment - Molly saying "I think I can read his lips...He is saying 'I love you, Molly, I want to marry you!"  Hahaha - wishful thinking, chicka!  Then there was the idiotic kissing test where they blindfolded Jason and each girl kissed him and he had to guess who each one was.  Nothing better than listening to people kiss on the radio!  Sounds similar to a cow pulling its foot out of the mud!  Of course, he got each one right and it was on to dinner.  One-on-one time with Jillian was a bit tense.  Jason sensed that she had changed since she got to Seattle and he wanted to know why.  She said that she had come on the show for laughs and adventure and had no intention of falling for him and that is what was happening to her.  She realized when she got to Seattle that she was no longer in it for the adventure but was in it for love....all together now...AWWWWW~  His one-on-one time with Molly was predictable with her saying how ready she is to get married and start a family and that she is the most fun of everyone in the world and with him kissing her and rubbing her arms.  I'm not sure whether there is anything other than physical attraction there...she is a bit shallow.  Bubba seems to think she has some terrible, dark secret that will come to light next week during the hometown dates.

His last date was with Naomi.  She has bugged me from day one.  Maybe it is the way she said she was "a-scared" of falling in love or maybe it is the singsongy voice she uses during those romantic moments.  She is a bit immature - quit pouting already!  I think he realizes that but kept her because of how unfair it would have been to keep Stephanie any longer.  His speech to Stephanie was heart wrenching.  She is obviously such a classy lady and I have no doubt she will be fine.  She handled his rejection with grace and charm and showed the world how to behave in that situation.  However, didn't make for very compelling TV...screaming, crying, cussing, beyotches are much better for ratings.

Just a few questions...When are they bringing DeAnna back?  I thought they were going to bring her back early and now I think it will just be cruel.  What secret is Molly hiding?  And will Naomi's mother sacrifice a pigeon for Jason?  Tune in next week!  

I can't wait!

Is there a twelve-step program?

62%How Addicted to Blogging Are You?

Torn Between Two Loves

I am torn.  I have a very serious addiction that takes up most evenings in the Wheez household.  I have been looking forward to this new television realty season with heightened anticipation.  And, now I am torn.  

Why, you ask?  (or maybe you don't care but I am going to tell you anyway)  I have variety!  OMG, the variety!  385 channels!  One even devoted entirely to reality TV!  In Germany, we had 5 American channels and the reality TV was nicely spaced so that I had no conflicts.  I could watch Biggest Loser on Monday, American Idol on Tuesday and Wednesday, Amazing Race on Thursday and Survivor on Friday.  My addictive life was fulfilled.  Now, I can watch reality TV 24/7!  Doesn't the cable company know that I have a family to feed and carpets to vacuum?  I might OD!

But, still I am torn...with all that variety comes another potential addiction.  Bubblegum, brainless, angst-ridden, over-the-top, silly addiction.  I am talking about 90210 and Greek.  Do you watch these shows?  I am able to relive all the terror of high school and total drunken oblivion of college in two hours on Tuesday nights.  Bubba is also on the path to addiction.  He won't admit it to any other testosterone filled adult but he is just as excited when Tuesday night rolls around.  He loves the keg parties and fast cars, I love the sorority bitchiness and dating drama.  

But what am I to do?  Dancing with the Stars and Biggest Loser -Families are both on during the same time slot.  The Wheeze household has not stepped entirely into the 21st century as we do not have DVR or TiVo nor do we have a VCR that is hooked up correctly.  What's a girl with an addiction to do?

Addiction

I have an addiction. It is a guilty, terrible, all consuming addiction. I developed it in earnest while Bubba was deployed and I had no one to keep my urges in check. Add to that the fact that I was living in Germany at the time and I had very little to distract me from my addiction and I had myself a recipe for disaster. I don't know if I am ready to admit that I have a problem and seek counseling. I mean, who am I really hurting? You see, my addiction is Reality Television.

You name it, I have watched it. The Amazing Race, American Idol, America's Got Talent, America's Next Top Model, The Apprentice, The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, Beauty and the Geek, The Biggest Loser, Celebrity Circus, Dancing with the Stars, Extreme Makeover (especially Home Edition), Hell's Kitchen, Kitchen Nightmares, Last Comic Standing, Project Runway, The Real World, So You Think You Can Dance, Survivor, Top Chef...I've seen them all. I have opinions about most of them. Do I think Deanna chose the right guy when she chose Jesse? Absolutely! Do I think that Parvati deserved to win Survivor: Fans vs Favorites? Yes!Should David Archuletta have won American Idol? Probably (although I was rooting for David Cook - I think the AI Machine will kill his career) Do I want to see Amber and Rob in yet another reality show? Well...maybe not. Do I despise Amarossa? Definitely!

Unlike many of my other addictions, I am not ashamed of this one. I make plans based on what is on and whether I can set the VCR (yes, VCR - I haven't stepped into the 21st century and gone TiVo). In Germany, reality TV was all I had. It was what kept me going during the time that Bubba was away. It gave me something to look forward to during those long months. It was always there for me. If I missed something, I had my other addiction (the internet) to back me up and let me in on the secrets, lies, showdowns and showoffs that I had missed. I could lose myself in the cattiness, craziness and confusion that reigned on my shows. Some, when faced with a long deployment will lose themselves in a hobby, some will throw themselves into their career, some will drown themselves in the bottom of a bottle of hair color. Others will make less healthy choices...not me. I choose to sit on the sofa with a friend...Tyra will tell it like it is, Jeff Probst will state the obvious, Phil Keogan will look good no matter what continent he is standing on - these things I could count on. I love my reality TV!

Our cable gets hooked up this week! I may need an intervention!