I read on MckMama's blog,
the other day when she poured out her heart, a very wise comment. Her post was bravely about the struggles in her marriage and the steps she and Prince Charming are going through to get through the rough patches. She has always been honest and forthcoming about their ups and downs and I admire their faith and love of one another. What she said that caught me cold was:
As it relates to human forgiveness, forgiveness is for the forgiver, not for the forgiven.
I have had her statement rolling around in my head for a few days, can't stop thinking about it really. Made it my Facebook status, Twitter status, and it is on the chalkboard in the kitchen where I usually write my grocery list. I, like MckMama, thought that forgiveness was a gift to be bestowed on others, something you could withhold as a sort of punishment to let the guilty party know that they were still in trouble. You are not off the hook with me until I have forgiven you, so you better keep sucking up. This practice only works if the person who you think
needs your forgiveness truly
desires your forgiveness. And that is what I have been doing all wrong. The more I think about it, the more I realize how right she is. Looking back, I have always felt better when I have forgiven someone wholly and for the right reason and not just to "let them off the hook." How, when I forgive someone who I believe has wronged me simply because it is the right thing to do, I have often felt empty and bitter. Does this fall into the category of being the better person? Am I the better person if I forgive someone just to make myself feel better? When I forgive someone with my whole heart, aren't we both healed? Maybe forgiveness isn't what that person was seeking, but by giving it to them, I have found something in myself. Forgiveness in this way, with your whole heart and only for you is harder than doing it the other way. But, if I can do it right, it can be so much better.
There is a reason God has kept this in my head this week. I believe He thinks I may need to work on my forgiveness skills. At this time in my life, I have few things that I need to forgive for myself and maybe why it was sent to me now. I can work on forgiving for me when it is a bit easier and when the hard stuff comes along, I will be a pro. I can forgive myself for getting angry when the toothpaste top is left off or when the socks are on the floor. I can forgive myself for getting my feelings hurt when someone doesn't return my call or criticizes my choices. I can practice my forgiveness until it becomes second nature. And then I will be able to forgive others for myself.
Thanks, MckMama and God...sometimes I need a nudge.
***Continue to pray for sweet
Stellan, his SVT is back with a vengence.
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