Old Farmers Advice

I swiped this from Layla over at The Lettered Cottage..so simple and yet so right!

Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.

Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.

A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.

Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled.

Meanness don't jes' happen overnight.

Forgive your enemies; it messes up their heads.

Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.

It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.

You cannot unsay a cruel word.

Every path has a few puddles.

When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.

The best sermons are lived, not preached.

Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen anyway.

Don't judge folks by their relatives.

Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.

Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't bothering you none.

Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.

Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.

The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin'.

Always drink upstream from the herd.

Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.

Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.

If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly.

I really like you, but....I'm the Bachelor

I think you are a fantastic person, but...see ya later, you wacko!

I keep getting lost in your eyes, but...that's just because there is nothing behind them in your head!

You are a great mother, but...you're old enough to be mine!

You deserve a guy who sweeps you off your feet, but...I left my broom in my other pants!

I would like to listen to your sage advice, but...I am a dummy and don't believe anything I say before "but..."

Just a few of the noteworthy "but's" in last night's episode.  My recap will be brief, as will this season if Jake keeps kicking off more women than he is supposed to!  All I can say is...way to go!  He totally let "ladies" go that he didn't have to.  I am going to recap the dates in from most brutal to least.

The two-on-one date was totally brutal.  Ella monopolized his time and Kathryn couldn't get a word in edgewise.  There was absolutely no chemistry between Jake and Kathryn  and he totally pulled the rug out from under her when he came back into the cabin after letting Ella go and told her he wasn't the man for her.  Coulda fooled her!  He's certainly not pulling any punches.  Ella was the personification of class when he let her go.  She told him to make a good choice and to be careful.  Unlike most women who, when let go, tell him he is making a huge mistake.  Maybe they think if it worked for Molly, it will work for them!

The group date was almost as brutal.  From the way Vienna bounded off the RV and into Jake's un-waiting arms, to when Ali called shotgun with Jake and all the other girls just stood there, to the roll/tumble down the sand dune with Corrie, to the one-on-one time with Ashleigh filled with painful silences, to Vienna telling him she wanted the last one-on-one time of the evening, awkward was just abundantly flowing.  I have to say I am getting a bit tired of the Vienna vs. Ali drama.  Ali needs to back up her claims that if Vienna is what Jake wants then he can't possibly be the future husband for her.  Vienna grated on my nerves a little more than usual last night, too and I loved it when Jake told her that she brings on the cattiness from the other girls herself.  Reality check?!?!  Anyhoo, Tenly got the rose for this date which was well deserved.  She was the only one who had relaxed adult conversation with Jake, intermixed with some pretty hot kisses.

Gia's one-on-one date was cute.  I think it is so adorable that Jake obviously doesn't feel comfortable driving a motorcycle and, yet ABC keeps putting him on the darn thing.  Gia wore her appropriate motorcycle/camping attire of 5 inch stilettos and flowy chiffon tunic because nothing says motorcycle safety like floral and Manolo's.  She was a trooper and hung in for Jake's outdoorsy date.  Notice how he plied her with wine - "If we hurry up and finish this bottle, we can play spin the bottle so that you can relive your first, terrible, nightmare of a kiss!"  I think they have good chemistry and she is pretty even-keeled.  I did notice her New Yawk accent made a starring appearance in this episode!  I hadn't noticed it until now.

Rose Ceremony!  Wooohoooo, Jake!  What moxie you showed by refusing to give roses to girls you don't see a future with.  Why string them along for another week if you know you don't feel anything for them?  I was surprised with Corrie - was thinking it would go to Ashleigh but, hey...

Roses went to:  Gia, Tenley, Ali, Corrie, Vienna

No roses for:  Ella, Kathryn, Jessie and Ashleigh

Next stop, San Francisco!!!

Post It Note Tuesday

Want to play?  Head over to Supah's to see the deets...

Calling all bluffs??? Bluff, Party of two???

I am a bit under the weather today, so my recap might be a bit scattered - sudafed induced crazy, some might say.   But, I promise you, I will have nothing on the women from last night's Bachelor.   Wow....


Jake seemed to really grow from last week's scandal with Rozlyn.  And by grow, I mean a pair.  This week he had a take no prisoners approach and wasn't havin' any crap.  Go, Jake!


While I am not a big fan of Vienna, I do think she is getting a bad edit.  She was very sweet with him, when they both conquered their fear of heights and bungee jumped off the bridge.  I was very disappointed in Ali.  Wow, her claws really came out last night.  She was downright mean and scary in regards to Vienna and was borderline Mean Girls when she told Michelle "Aren't you going to raise your glass?  It's like a pact."  Yes, a mean, hateful, spiteful pact.  The only moment of clarity Michelle had all night was right there.  The rest of the time she was just a train wreck.  Jake saw through her veil of calm and totally called her bluff.  He had had enough at that point.  Girls, note to self...cattiness is never beautiful.  Ella's date at Sea World was kind of boring, which is how I feel about their chemistry.  She is very nice and very sweet but I don't get any vibes from them at all.  He had to give her the rose, though, after flying in her son you can't very well send her home on the same plane, can you?  Elizabeth, who is a raging, brazen, shameless tease, gets livid when Jake calls her a tease.  Um...tell a guy he can't kiss you and then tell him how turned on you are by him and how much you want to kiss him?  Yea, you're a tease.  Pretty much by definition.  Bye, bye...


Roses go to:  Gia, Corrie, Tenley, Ali, Jessie, Kathryn, and Ashleigh


That sends Valishia (who?) and Elizabeth packing.


Next week looks like the road trip from h*ll!  Could be interesting!

Hysterical!!!

Spoiler Alert!!! Shocking developments!!!

And last night was just a laugh a minute!  The much anticipated scandal episode.  I'll get to all that later.  


Starting with the first group date - the girls got to be in an InStyle photo shoot that ends up in the magazine.  Some are professional models (Rozlyn, Gia), others are more natural models (Ashleigh) others just freak out (Christina).  Rozlyn was first and knocked it out of the park, of course, except for the part where she flashed her "cha-cha."  Gia was just stunning, I think she is the most beautiful girl there.  I felt really bad for Christina and Jake did a great job helping her work out her nerves.  Unfortunately, she had too much to drink and ruined her chances for a rose.  And...Ashleigh, um, Slut City called...they want their mascot back!  Breaking in on someone else's one-on-one time in a teeny weeny bikini is just plain slutty, besides the fact that you then wrapped your legs around him in the pool - icky!!!  Rozlyn was a little less forward...NOT!  When she went in for the kiss up on the roof she should have just strapped on her mask and flippers since she dove in head first!  It looked to me like he wiped his face off before he excused himself - did any one else notice that?  I also hated how she kept talking about winning - while I agree this is a competition between 25 woman, it should be about falling in love for the right reasons, not about winning.  Just sayin'.  But, she got the date rose anyway.  Boo, Jake, bad instincts. 


I was so happy when Ali got the one-on-one date.  I liked her from the moment she got out of the limo.  She does just seem so genuine.  I loved how every time Jake would walk she would have to take two or three steps to his one - especially when they were running across the field to the Chicago concert.  I think she will go far, but if they play "On the Wings of Love" one more time, I might puke in my mandatory Bachelor glass of wine.


Now, on to the crazy...Michelle.  Period.  That girl is twenty ways to crazy.  I think she might even be crazier than Shannon, the tooth Nazi.  Besides the fact that she is immature and throws a temper tantrum when she doesn't get a date, she turns on and off like a switch.  Talk about fake - at the cocktail party, one minute she is telling the other girls that if he doesn't talk to her, she is leaving, and the next minute she is gushing to him about how great she is doing tonight!  Ed was right - unstable!!!

And on to the next group date...Six Flags?  OK, whatever.  Nothing says I love you like getting sick on a roller coaster.  Elizabeth brought the crazy when she took Jake aside and read him a prepared statement basically saying that she wouldn't share his lips with anyone.  Um, have you not seen the Bachelor before?  That is all they do is share lips with everyone!  The Chapstick people are making a fortune off these kiss-a-holics!  I didn't think he would buy into it, but I forgot for a minute that he's a man.  Men love a good challenge and Elizabeth threw down the gauntlet.  Just try and kiss me!  She's a huge tease if you ask me (which you didn't, but oh, well).  But it worked and she got the date rose.  I really can't find anything redeeming about Vienna.  Her "huge" confession was that she is impetuous and immature!  Wow!  Stop the presses, break into local programming.  A 20-something self-professed Daddy's girl is impetuous and immature?  Now that is breaking news!  Whatever...


On to the cocktail party and all the drama.  The rumors about this are swirling over the internet and you can read them anywhere.  "Reality" is somewhere in there but I doubt we will ever know the full truth.  Rozlyn was politely and awkwardly asked to leave by poor, uncomfortable Chris Harrison after he explained to her that an "inappropriate relationship" had taken place between she and a staffer.  The staffer was no longer with "us" and she would have to pack her bags and leave immediately.  While Rozlyn didn't seem surprised when Chris told her she was leaving, she did say that her personal life was no one's business.  Of course, sweetie, I'm sorry but didn't you sign up to have your personal life broadcast to millions of people?  I would like ABC to define "inappropriate" because they are leaving it wide open for interpretation.  At the very least, I hope that they tell Jake exactly what the inappropriateness was so that he can move on without any issues.  So, dramatic, to say the least, I thought Jake was pretty cool headed and I loved it when he said, "Can I have my rose back?"


Roses go to:  Ali, Elizabeth, Vienna, Gia, Tenley, Ella, Valicia, Corrie, Jessica, Ashleigh, Michelle (felt the breeze of her exhale from here), and Katherine.


No roses for:  Christina and Ashley


Next week:  Another shocking exit?!?!?!


Two side notes:  


1.  I am lovin' the purple walls in the girls' living room.  Does anyone think Bubba would let me paint something that color?


2.  I can't wait to go see "The Rock" in Tooth Fairy!   

Oh, and by the way, are you ready?!?!?!?

You Capture...The Year in Review

Beth is doing the year in review for You Capture this week...enjoy

The Cheeze's 2009 in Review

Whew, what a year!

It will be the most AMAZING SEASON EVER!!!

Ok, I watched, but with one eye closed.  I have to admit that Jake is adorable.  I'm not so keen on the blatant Top Gun references in the beginning montage - um, ABC, 1986 called, they want their movie back!  Well, Jake is kind of short so that would translate to a Tom Cruise reference.  Anyway, on to the crazy...

I have to start with Vienna.  Her bio at the beginning set her up as the most shallow contestant ever!  She is a self-professed "Daddy's girl", terrible driver (um - 8 cars?), princess who is loves herself.  She goes on dates with her teacup chihuahua that she dresses in matching clothing.  'Nuff said.  He'll keep her around for the entertainment value alone.

Then there is Christina.  She describes herself as a boy's girl and needs practice with small talk with women.  Um, if you told me you liked my shoes, I would think you were brainless.  Listen, I am a shoe whore, but I don't use shoes as small talk.  Everyone on this show is always accusing people of being fake and here you are practicing it!  If you are a boy's girl, Jake will appreciate you for that and either like you for it or not.  Quit pretending.  Oh, and the parting gift, jelly bean thing...bad, bad, bad.

On to who may be the craziest contestant ever and not because she spoke to him in a foreign language.  It was what she said.  After reeling off a string of Cambodian and Jake saying that it was beautiful, she told him that it meant that he could "land his plane on her landing strip."  Whoa!  This one goes high on the TMI list.  Not only did she invite him to do the horizontal bop, but she also revealed her grooming habits to millions of people!  And Jake promptly said, "No rose for you!"

Now on to the favorites...

My favorite so far has to be Ali.  She is cute, she seems grounded, and she had the flu/laryngitis and still managed to look stunning.     The peacock feather was cute, but may have been cuter if she had kept it since it is how peacocks attract a mate - Jake doesn't need the help, he has 25 women falling over themselves to date him.

Speaking of falling, I've got to give props to Ashleigh.  She claims that her fall was faked but if you watch it back, she is either the best at pratfalls since Dick Van Dyke or she really wasn't faking.  Nice touch!

I did like Valishia's Texas dirt stunt - kind of sweet.  It obviously worked because she got a rose.

In the teaser for next week's episode, there is a scandal on the way.  I have heard rumors that one bachelorette has an "improper" relationship with a producer and that gets both of them booted from the show.  Tune in...this just might be the most AMAZING SEASON EVER!!!

Ok, I know I said I wouldn't but I can't help myself

I think I will be watching the Bachelor tonight.  Who's with me?  I know I swore off of it after the Jason/Melissa/Molly fiasco, but that seems to have worked out for the better since Melissa is now happily married and Jason and Molly seem to be moving in that direction.  So, even though I disagree with how it was handled on air, Jason seems to have made the best decision for him.  So, (that's a lot of "so's" - so sorry!) I will give it another chance.  Besides, Jake is a hottie!

What's that? I can't see you!

Today, I went to my yearly eye exam.  Now that I am of a certain age, I always dread that I will get the dreaded "It's time for bifocals!" speech.  I escaped unbifocaled today, however.  Yea, for me!  I did not escape the dilation fairy and had to drive and pick up BoyBoy with extremely blurry vision.  You know the kind - the stones on the road glimmer, you can see the semi that is 1/2 mile ahead of you but can't read the numbers on your speedometer.  I was a danger to myself and others!  Why don't they tell you before you make your appointment that they are going to do that so that you can make other arrangements?  I would have made my appointment earlier in the day or had my sister pick up BoyBoy.  Sheesh!  I just glad I didn't have to take this eye test!