It will be the most BORING SEASON EVER!!!

Why didn't Chris Harrison just tell us at the beginning of the season that Jake is the most boring bachelor ever?  It might have saved us all some time.  Even on the tropical exotic dates, there is just something so boring about him.  I don't find myself invested in this season as much as season's past, possibly because I lost my innocence over the Jason/Molly/Melissa thing but also, Jake is just so...boring.

Anyhoo...on to the exotic dates in St. Lucia.  "Mr. Dateless" is so obviously hung up on Gia's modelesque beauty that he has tricked himself into believing that she is more than just a pretty face.  Right, Jake, she is more than a pretty face, she is pretty legs, boobs, tushie, etc.  But as for brains...well...did I mention she is pretty?  They have a boring date and kiss a lot.  Off to the fantasy suite where Gia can show Jake how brainy she really is because you know in the fantasy suite the couple always plays Trivial Pursuit all night long!

His next date is with Tenly, or as I like to call her "MyX" because that is how she starts every sentence..."My X never did this with me."  "My X wouldn't do that with me."  "My X is still living in my head and I am totally not over him."  Once again, boring date, lots of kissing.  She is my favorite as far as she is the most mature.  She asked Jake how he would pursue her in the real world when he didn't have ABC footing the bill and in true egomaniacal pilot form he told her he would be flying her to the Caymans at his every whim.  Because that is what normal everyday men do when courting women in the 21st century.  What ever happened to dinner and a movie?  No wonder women these days have such high expectations and men don't even try - why should they if they can't live up to TV?  Fantasy suite...blahblahblahnotbeenwithanyoneexceptmyXbutsureI'llgospendthenightwithyoublahblahblah.

Last date is with Vienna.  This girl is 100% ho and I am sure that is what Jake likes about her.  There's just something about Vienna, he keeps saying.  Yea, she's a ho.  She licked you, for crying out loud!  And you licked her back?  Do you know where that thing has been?  And, boring date, lots of kissing, fantasy suite, more proof that she is a ho (negligee, closing the bedroom doors) and...scene.

Then, in the most unsurprising surprise development, Ali calls and tells Jake she made a mistake.  Gosh! I didn't see that coming!  I kind of hoped he would let her back in and kick Vienna to the curb but he was fresh off some fantasy suite action and wasn't about to let that go.  Sorry, Ali, you will have to live with your regret for the rest of your life or at least until ABC casts you as the next Bachelorette.

Ok, rose ceremony...boring, who didn't guess who the roses were going to?  Sorry, Gia, but the air in your head just couldn't keep Jake from blowing you off.

So, is Jake going to go with the girl who is still hooked on her X or the girl who is rated X?  Next week is the Women Tell All where we will hear from Rozlyn and Ali and be teased by Chris.  Tune in, or just stop by here on Tuesday!